Hadassah doesn’t take naps anymore, but she does get a daily “quiet time” during Rahab’s afternoon nap. This is a great time for her, and for me. Rahab naps in her crib in the girls’ room, and Hadassah gets some privacy on her mommy and daddy’s big bed, with a couple of stuffed animals, a few books, and Mr. Darcy. I have a couple hours to be refreshed as well. Today I was utilizing my alone time by starting supper, unloading the dishwasher, and listening to a sermon on my iHome.

Supermom, right? …. Wrong.

When I heard Rahab stir, I immediately left what I was doing to go get her out of her crib. (We have had some sleep regression this week. Maybe it is just a phase, or maybe it is because she has been plagued with a runny nose and a cough this week that is making it harder for her to have a good rest. So, anyways, I wanted to retrieve her as quickly as possible to keep her from having negative associations in her crib, sending us even farther backwards in our sleep lives.)

As I got Rahab up and started to change her diaper I called out to Hadassah that her quiet time was over and she could come out now. She called back to me that her hands were dirty so she couldn’t open the door. That’s when I knew some non-quiet-time-approved activity had taken place.

I rushed in there to find a horribly strong odor that made my eyes water and my nose burn, and Hadassah’s face covered in Vicks Vapor Rub. She had rubbed a whole entire bottle of Vicks on her face, hair, eyes, everywhere. Her eyes were completely closed and when I asked her to open them she tried to open them, but she was squinting so dramatically that they were practically closed.

Jordan worked all day today, and had to stay late due to some unforeseen technical delays, so I was on my own and a little panicked, assuming the most dramatic of scenarios (that’s just how I am. I don’t know why I would be dramatic. Nobody in my family is dramatic!) …  that my sweet three-year-old was now in the process of going blind.

I put Rahab on the ground and ran, carrying Hadassah into the bathroom, then threw her in the bathtub, clothes and all. Rahab crawled down the hall following us at record speed, to catch up. I started pouring cups or warm water into Hadassah’s eyes. Rahab had pulled up, standing alongside the bathtub and watching the commotion.

Hadassah seemed to be improving. Her eyes were looking better and she was acting a bit more comfortable. I turned off the running water and then I made sure she could tell me the color of my clothes. Great, she can still see! As I am talking to Hadassah about what happened, now that the water was off, I realized that I heard some clanging……. and  that Rahab wasn’t in the bathroom watching us anymore.

I run out of the bathroom to see her standing up at the dishwasher (I had rushed away from it during the unloading process to get her out of bed when she woke up, leaving the door of the dishwasher opened). Those sweet little baby fingers were holding three of my biggest and sharpest knives. I would post a picture of which ones, but then you would all judge me more than you are right now…. So I will leave it to your imaginations.

Basically, both of my children tried really hard to kill themselves under my supervision today and I came dangerously close to letting them succeed in separate ways, in the same half hour period of the day.

How many times have I said it? “I don’t understand why God gives a woman like that children?” When I hear of abusive mommies, mommies who don’t want their babies, mommies who refuse to discipline, nurture, and train their children with consistency, …. I ask God, “why would you give that woman children when there are so many women who would be great mommies but can’t have children?”

Today God humbled me.

I am *that* woman.

I am the mommy who gets harsh when it is unnecessary. I am the mommy who, at times, is ungrateful and complains for the blessing of these sweet souls entrusted to me. I am the mommy who often fails to instruct when instruction with consistency is so needed. I am one of those moms. I am inadequate. Not only do I sometimes lack wisdom to navigate this parenting thing, sometimes I even lack the willingness to carry out the wisdom that I do have with consistency. I am a mom who often misrepresents the Gospel to these lost people by not treating their daddy how I should. I am that mom who leaves things like medication and knives in reachable spots. I don’t understand why God gives women like me children.

Today I am overwhelmingly amazed that God’s gift of children is just that … a gift. Wholly undeserved. Today I am glad that children are not a prize to be won by an impossible standard of perfection. Today I am so thankful that God gives children to women who aren’t amazing. Today I am glad that God entrusts children to women who don’t have it all together. Praise God that He gives children to mommies that have messy houses and messy lives. Today, I am humbled that God would give children to me.

Tonight, I am grateful that God promises to use the weak things of this world.

Because that is me.

…not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are,  so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” ~ 1 Corinthians 1:26-31