This Sunday morning looked like most of mine do … sitting in a church pew covered in tiny peppermint pieces and chocolate chip cookie crumbs, princess and animal stickers all over my body, crayons rolling away from me and towards the pulpit, sticky fruit roll up pieces stuck to my Bible, and (this is a new one for this week) a little girl whispering with her “secret church voice” in my ear every few minutes (or maybe seconds?), “My Elsa and Anna show’s all gone!” This Sunday morning, as I was juggling a two year old and a large bag of “keep her quiet tricks”, I was also watching all of the people around me engaging in perfectly focused listening and taking their copious notes. I was fighting back occasional thoughts like, “Is my determination to have her in every service really right?” “Is this sacrifice really worth it?” “Is she really getting anything out of it?” “Am I really getting anything out of it?” “Will she ever think anything is more important than Elsa and Anna?” I prayed that this sight (and sound) was in some way bringing God glory. I prayed that God would use this time in some redemptive way for Hadassah and for myself … or that He would just go ahead and reveal to me that I’m doing the wrong thing…. an unnecessary thing.

We made it through the whole sermon (Hadassah will proudly let you know “YAY, I deed it!”) and we sang a song together and sat back down as we prepared to receive the Lord’s Supper. Hadassah was sitting on my lap, and as the plate of bread passed her by she whispered in her “secret church voice” again. But this time it wasn’t about Elsa and Anna.

“Bite, please, mommy?”

I immediately saw God answering my prayer in providing this beautiful teaching moment for her. I watched her think as I responded and told her, “This kind of bite isn’t for Hadassah.”

“Those mommies bites? Dassah some too?”

Tears filled my eyes as I told her again, “Hadassah can’t have this kind.”

She watched Jordan and I and we could see the wheels turning in her head and we could see the complete look of shock on her face… shocked that we had not shared with her. “Dassah’s bites all gone.”

The Lord’s Supper is always a time of deep reflection. But this was such an especially sweet moment for me to thank God for showing me that Hadassah is learning what she can in her barely two year old mind. She is watching in worship … she is seeing what we do and she is seeing what she cannot do. She is already wondering why we do what we do. And I’m already getting little opportunities to tell her why. What a sweet time to have a broken heart over her….. knowing the implications of her not being able to worship with us in that way. And seeing it so clearly before my very eyes, and being able to pray for her so specifically…. Reflecting on the cross in thankfulness for me, and in hopeful longing and prayer for her heart, too.

When we partake of the Lord’s Supper, we are proclaiming again the death of Jesus. … And not just that He died, .. but that He died in my place. This is a way that believers, in faith, trusting in all that God is for us in Christ, are sharing in the death of Christ. We are reflecting on all that Jesus bought for us with His death on the cross. There are stark warnings in Scripture to all who would partake of the Lord’s Supper along side the church when those things aren’t their confession. And how beautiful for me to be able to start teaching that to Hadassah by my actions before she can even fully understand it through my words.

The Lord visibly answered my prayer: Yes, Abi. She is getting something from this. Yes, Abi. You are getting something from this. Yes, Abi…. this is hard…. But this is your ministry right now. This is where I am called to sacrifice right now. It may not look pretty and it probably doesn’t feel pretty. But this ministry is so important.

Mommies, when I hear your kids “acting up”, I have hope that these buildings won’t be empty in 20 years. When I hear some little voice singing “Let It Go” when the rest of the congregation is singing a song with a bit more theological content I am reminded to be thankful to be worshipping in a place where all are welcomed. When I hear my little girl say “Maymen!” rather boisterously  at the end of a public prayer I am reminded to approach God in prayer again — a prayer for her… and for your kids, too. So please don’t give up. You are doing an important job. You are fighting a good battle. I see your work and I see the most beautiful picture of self sacrifice. You are dying to yourself every day for the sake of your children. And it looks just like the Gospel.

I often think on the Great Commission…. What Jesus calls all believers to devote their lives to: Making disciples. Am I really living out the Great Commission when a lot of days I don’t even step a foot out of my own home because I’m busy being a mommy? Am I? Yes, I am. Right now, the majority of the time, making disciples for me looks like teaching Hadassah about Jesus while we are sitting at the table, and while we are walking to the park, and when I’m laying her down for naps, and when I am getting her up out of bed in the morning. Right now making disciples looks like sacrificing things like my perfect – might – as – well – be – the – manuscript – notes from every single sermon. Right now making disciples might seem fruitless. But doesn’t it always? When we share the Gospel in any way with anybody we are only doing what we can do. We are only sewing the seeds and praying that God has already prepared the soil. We often times walk away wondering if what we have said and done for that person will ever have effect at all. We often watch from far off discouraged because we don’t see fruit. But that’s what we are called to. We aren’t responsible for the results. We are responsible for being faithful to always have a reason for the hope that we have within us and always being ready and willing and able to share. We have the glorious promise that God’s Word will not return to Him void. It will always accomplish it’s intended purpose…… despite us.

So others are sharing the Gospel in different ways. Some are out sacrificing in foreign countries for the sake of the Gospel; some are risking losing their jobs in the work place for the sake of sharing the Gospel … So for me to ask “Is it worth the sacrifices I’m making to have the most opportunities to share Jesus with her?” Yes, it is worth it. Because this is the ministry of sacrifice I’m called to right now. Maybe in 30 years it will be a different type of ministry and I will be sacrificing different types of things for the sake of sharing Jesus with people. But right now this is who I have in front of me to share Jesus with and this is what it looks like. I know that when this season is gone, no matter the fruit of my toil, I want to have been faithful to my short, ever important task in this season. And if this is all I ever get to do, I pray that God will find it a pleasing and acceptable sacrifice for the sake of His precious little children.

This is a precious, precious job. This is an opportunity for ministry that is so unique to being a mother. I have a little girl who loves to learn, sitting at my feet, begging for me to teach her things all day long. Oh, that I would be faithful to teach her what really matters. When else will I literally have 24 hours a day with someone who wants me to teach them something?

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”